On Mother's Day

There is no great tradition yet, for Mothers Day for us. Just to be together in all that we do, and mama gets some extra attention, that's for sure.

But what I find so cool about this day, is how each year this day becomes more and more special to me, it holds more and more meaning each time around. Which can only mean one thing, and that is I grow more and more into my role of mothering. I love it more and more. Being a mother becomes more and more special to me, more and more important. Which is awesome.

And today I spent most of my day, from the time Griffin awoke and was carried into our bed to ease his parents into morning, until now, being thankful for him, for the boy who made me a momma, and teaches and shows me the way everyday. For allowing me to grow and learn, and being gracious, forgiving, and loving of the imperfect mother that I am. For seeing the beauty and the prize that is in me, even when I don't see it. For being my biggest fan. Never in my life has someone looked at me, like he does, and seeing myself through his eyes has been restoring to say the least.

I mean Griffin thinks I am funny, and I would say that he even thinks I am the funniest person ever, and let me tell you, that I am not funny to any one else. Oh I have wanted to be funny all my life, because if you can make people laugh you are guaranteed to be liked.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday of this week were F-U-L-L days. A little to full for me, and it all cumulated in our first hippotherapy session on Thursday at 1 p.m., because I had HUGE expectations. I saw this therapy session as being the beginning to Griffin's life long love for horse's, and horse back riding. Which would eventually lead us to owning our own horses, where Momma, Dada, and Griffin would take off through the fields and trees on horseback and feel the wind and the sun on our faces. Where Griffin would start the bond with these amazing creatures, which would lead to beautiful relationships among him and his horse. This relationship with this horse, would give him purpose, and love, and help him physically and emotionally.

So when he fell asleep on the way, and was pissed when I woke him up, and he did not want to wear the helmet or even look or touch the horse, I was so let down. I mean I think I really expected him to ride off in the sunset on that first day or something.

Anyway, I thought and thought about it, about how I was putting my dreams on him, and not allowing him his dreams. Something I swore I would never do.

So I spent most of Friday and Saturday at home to re coop from to full of days, and the slowing down was so good.

And on slowing down......

Something I am always trying to do, because I am the person, that wants to exercise 10 times a week, and be the instructor, and cook and make everything homemade, and grow most of my own food, and have a decorated home which is always clean and picked up, and so is my car, always clean, and I get ready and dressed everyday, and I play all the time with my boy, and I read books, and I journal and I write, and I help others and give of my time, and I take pictures, and I blog, and I go to support groups, and I go to therapy with my son, and I go out with my husband on dates, and I travel, and I keep up with friends, and I visit family, and I work on therapy at home with my son, and I sleep in, and I get up early, and I watch the news and read the paper, and I pay all my bills on time, and balance budgets, and have pets that I play with, and I sew my own clothes, and I sew Griffin clothes, and I just sew, and believe it or not the list goes on and on....

So I am always having to slow down, and come to terms with not doing it all. And I am always having to try to make the right decision as to what I should be doing, what is most important. And on days when I let a lot of things drop off and I just slow down, like on Friday and Saturday it feels soooo good. So good.

And I jotted down these notes today during church....

Be patient, slow down.

What fits in my life?

What kind of mother am I?

What if I can't do all of the things I love and admire that other mothers do?

Is that ok?

Yes, it is.

I have to be in my life and do the things that I am suppose to be doing.

So then what happens to the things I love and dream of?

They are not as important as the here and the now and the where I am supposed to be now.

Be patient.

Live with your dreams.

Don't let go of them.

Be OK with unfulfilled dreams, knowing that you have a handful of dreams being fulfilled right now.

Where are we?

Where is our life?

I am not everyone or anyone else and my life and my life setup is entirely unique and no less beautiful.

It is all beautiful.

So to all the mothers out there that don't do it all, or who do more, or who do less.

Happy Mother's Day.

We are all growing, learning, trying. And that is enough. We are always enough.

From here...

To here......

I love it all.